Un paso

Today was the last day of class! Ever onward.

On a somewhat related note, I will miss the door to the restroom in the graduate school (first floor) because it sounds like Chewbaca, which is awesome.

Ball and Chain

I've gotten so used to needing a huge bag all the time, my cute purse never gets any use. I usually haul around my computer, notepad, folders and readings, at least one nasty break-your-back law book, and the usual assortment of nerdy necessities like pen, highlighter, colored tabs and sticky notes. Then, of course there is breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack. And usually I have another bag with gym gear. I'm a bag lady!

I imagine a life after graduation when I carry charming little satchels that contain little more than some keys and pretty lip goop. I'll be able to tuck it under my arm, sprint for a bus or get a real hug hello from someone. Quite literally, finishing school will liberate me from three years of weight on my shoulders.

Rene Descartes was a silly man in a chair - mind and body are not separate.

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Riding outside in February

Crazy that it was 64 degrees today. I brought my bike to school and went for a ride outside, first one of 2011. It felt awesome. So awesome. It still blows my mind that I can ride outside in shorts and a tank top in February. Oh, Denver.

Time for lots 'o work. I need to be researching more for my bilateral trade agreement work. I'm also planning some lectures on civil society, democratization, and anti-corruption. Then there's the regular homework for, among other classes, evidence.

But who can do work when it's so nice outside!?

A day in the life

Things are so good right now, I feel a little freakish walking around smiling all the time. Good freakish. Happy freakish. Here's what things look like...

Monday.

5 a.m. Wake up and run 10 miles. Fresh legs. Listen to NPR and catch up on the news. See hardly anyone. Get home before the sun rises.

7 a.m. Stop off for coffee and happen to know the barista, who is incredibly kind and gives me his discount.

7:30 a.m. - 10 a.m. Prep for being "on call" in Evidence. Surprise Hypo and my argument as defense counsel for an evidentiary issue up on appeal. Right. What does that even mean? Don't these people know I'm totally out of my element and unqualified for these sorts of shenanigans?

10 a.m. - 12 p.m. Evidence Class. I realize my understanding of "informal" is a tad on the casual side, but smile and keep it together. Attempt to make eye contact with my "jury of peers" (Hm. Literally and figuratively.), but realize no one is even paying attention to me and eyes are glued to computers. Feel relieved. Resolve to make eye contact with my professor all semester long, even if that's the most I get out of Evidence class, that I paid attention and made the professor feel as if one student was engaged. Raise typical, idealistic Carrie comments about how my hypothetical client didn't obstruct the Plaintiff's fundamental rights and access to justice.

12 p.m. - 5 p.m. Do my work developing a database of bilateral trade agreements. I'm a paid Research Assistant (and Project Manager (oooh, ahhh)) for a young, hot-shot Latin American professor at the grad school. After I make this database thing I'll start coding, testing hypotheses, and looking for things like clusters and patterns. Exciting! Joined by the lovely KS. Fine! Sheesh, people, I admit it - had another cup of coffee.

5 p.m. - 6:30 p.m. Book the squash court at the gym and practice my serve until my forearm hurts and my fingers are shaky. Approximately half an hour. Shower.

6:30 - 7:30 p.m. Scarf down dinner brought from home, attempting to save money. Ate delicious Trader Joe's indian fare an east coast friend shipped in a care package. (Hint Hint to all you loyal bloggie readers!)

7:30 p.m. - 9 p.m. Int'l Business Transactions class. Figure out how I can multi-task and use my time wisely while listening in class.

9 - 11:30 p.m. Meet les amies GC and KS for a drinkie-drink at a dive bar. What are the chances -- it's karaoke night! Some people just have all the luck. Eat delicious nachos and sweet potato fries. Talk about boys (naturally) and school. Make plans to go dancing.

11:30 p.m. - 12:00 a.m. Walk home feeling ridiculously happy with my life right now.

12:00 - 12:30 a.m. Characteristic dicking around because I can never go straight to sleep when I get home.

12:30 a.m. The moment I've been waiting for, glorious sleep.

Happy 2011!

I have been bad with le bloggie. I'm back! This is just a teaser... but break was fantastic. As were my few days here in Denver before class started. I'm off to my first class - starts in 10 minutes and I'm excited for the new semester. My last semester! I'm taking Evidence, International Business Transactions, and Community Economic Development. I have a job as a research assistant ... and plan to have a fantastic life (running, biking, reading, mountain-ing, dancing, eating, cooking, seeing friends, etc.). Visitors and co-conspirators welcome!

Off to class... and so it begins! Here we go! :)

Last day in Denver for awhile

My eyeballs still hurt.

There was a wee hiccup in finishing my paper. I'm here, plugging away, but immensely excited for the east coast!

You can take the girl out of the east coast, but you can't take the east coast out of this girl...

Back to variable geometry. Wait, I thought I one of there was no math in law school?

Update

I'm so darn close. I've got about 10 pages left (plus massive editing, citations, and feeling badly for probably not making a good argument...I want to write a fabulous paper, but I'm just losing steam. Quickly. I hate to say it, but I kind of just want to have enough pages of something to turn in and go to sleep for a few days straight. Sleep's for losers?).

Sigh.

My eyeballs hurt and I've resorted to Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas.

preferential trade agreements

I think things are finally coming together on this last paper, after much agonizing and sleepless nights. Really, this has by far been the hardest intellectual challenge.

The breakthrough thought? I realized what I am arguing is not that preferential trade agreements are asymmetrical. Everyone knows that and it's actually a good thing they are (sort of an affirmative action for developing nations). What I really am arguing is that there is also asymmetry in the promulgation of preferential trade agreements. This Asymmetric Promulgation is what's dangerous and bad. It means countries enter into trade agreements that aren't good for them economically (the agreements don't address issues important to developing countries and the agreements are likely to be signed under political pressure or for non-trade reasons).

Dorkiest post ever. I'll stop now before I tell you about how pretty my tabs are.

Snowy Monday

This weekend was great - had dinner at a professor's house on Friday night. Saturday I worked on my book review all day until I went to the Tiesto concert at night. So fun! I love love love Tiesto. The concert wasn't sold out or anything, but there were a ton of people there. For some reason, a bunch of girls befriended me (a girl, alone at a concert). Nice people, I felt like I had to have my guard up a little, though, what with the dark/crowded/drugs. But generally, I felt really relaxed and "ser" happy during the concert. That music really puts me in a weird trance (I swear, no drugs!). I can only compare it to cruising in "the zone" I get somewhere around mile 24 in the marathon. Pretty great concert!

Sunday I got up early, finished my book review, worked out, and then spent the rest of the afternoon working on a project for mining. I'm going to present tomorrow on Foreign Investment Climate/Risks in Colombia. It's super interesting, but I have much to do! I also have another presentation on CAFTA and the current trade dispute between Central American countries and the Dominican Republic. They're fighting over these nylon bags and plastic cord of string -- I'm going to argue there are deeper non-trade political reasons behind the dispute.

OH! And, Aung San Suu Kyi was released from house arrest. A good day for Burma!

It's snowing this morning - I love it!

An e-mail to save and read on rainy days...

Subject: RMMLF event last week From: Smith, Don Sent: Saturday, November 13, 2010 11:27 AM To: Golden, Carrie Attachments:

Hi Carrie. I'm in the process of writing a blog post about the RMMLF event last week at the law school. Would you mind if I mentioned in the posting that you organized the event in conjunction with the Foundation? It was a really impressive event -- I wish we would have made arrangements to video tape it, but maybe next time. Best wishes, --Don Smith Don C. Smith Director, Environmental and Natural Resources Law & Policy Graduate Program University of Denver Sturm College of Law +1 303 871 6052 dcsmith@law.du.edu http://enrlgp.blogspot.com (blog) http://www.law.du/index.php/enrgp (website)

Personal Growth

I grew a little yesterday. Don't be confused -- I haven't actually gotten taller since about 7th grade. And, these days, any growth I have is probably Out, not Up. But the growth yesterday was In.

I am in Int'l Mining Law & Policy and Int'l Petroleum Law & Policy classes. Back in August, I decided to take these classes for several reasons. First, minerals, oil, and gas seem to motor (pun intended!) much of Latin American economy, so I figured I should know a thing or two about it. Secondly, Know Thy Enemy. A vaguely informed liberal, I assumed I would be the anti-mining, anti-oil & gas person of the class. We've all heard of the Newmont incidents in Peru, exploitation, digging away mountains, black diamonds, slave and child labor, digging for "black gold," and spending and making big profit. Need I say more? Finally, DU law has one of the best Environmental and Natural Resources programs in the country so I wanted to take advantage of that before I left the Rockies.

But, surprise surprise, the semester rolls on and I find myself respecting the mining industry more and more. (Unfortunately, my views of the petroleum industry still hold steady.) I look forward to my Tuesday evening Mining class and I patently dread Wednesday evenings' Petroleum class. I had assumed the fields would be virtually the same, but they aren't. How curious! I decided to organize a comparative lunch discussion event to think about this a bit more. I enlisted my professors, who graciously indulged me and took time from their busy work days. I scrounged around for some money and -- low and behold -- received a small scholarship grant from the Rocky Mountain Mineral Law Foundation to cover lunch.

And, so, yesterday was the day! Essentially, I was the MC and moderator of this two-person panel discussion. I asked questions. They answered. People listened. I think it went great! About 50-60 people showed up to hear this comparative discussion. We ran out of food (!!), which probably means I didn't plan well, but also is exciting that that many people were there. My professors were great, engaged with each other well and really drew out the differences between the two fields. It was super interesting and think people learned a lot. We had people from all different countries (American, Chilean, Peruvian, Japanese, Chinese, Thai, Nigerian, etc), Denver Law and Colorado School of Mines, students and professors. I was especially happy to see professors there because professors never come to anything.

After, people were thanking me for organizing, asking "Which organization are you with" (the Independent Carrie Wants to Learn Fund?), how did I think of the questions and format, when was my next event, etc. I was approached by the Director of Development for the law school and the Director of the Environmental & Natural Resources Law and Policy Graduate Program. After it ended, people stuck around and chatted. As my dad said, "Sounds like you brought people together."All in all, it was exciting!

I'm proud of myself for two reasons. First off, I wanted to learn something and the opportunity to learn it didn't already exist. So I made it happen! And, along the way, I thought I'd share the learning experience with others. It's a truly invigorating and confidence-boosting thing to feel like you can make your ideas really happen. Secondly, I have been trying to put myself in mildly uncomfortable situations (e.g. speaking in front of 60 people who are mainly older men with prestigious roles as lawyers, engineers, and professors). I think it's good for me because I'm forcing myself to grow as a person. I hope I didn't sound too nervous, young, or scared. But, hell, even if I did - who cares? The more times I do stuff like this, the better I will get.

Onward and upward (or, in this case inward!).

One day at a time

Here we go - Wednesday, November 9. In my new-found age and wisdom, I've been feeling better. I think I just get so anxious and stressed out that I work myself into a tizzy and can't calm down. The work is still there. My Deadline List on my whitey-board at home is full. But, I have accomplished some (small though it may be) work since my last post. I wrote a personal narrative about being a female law student. I wrote a short memo about risk management for a mining investment in Venezuela.

A lovely friend from Boston has been in town for a conference (lucky me!). It's really amazing to feel this de-stressed just by having a good friend, with nice chats, easy company, and familiarity nearby. She's a quick one, though, and I probably ran too fast and too far for my getting-back-in-shape routine. How fun! We did a little city park loop. Unfortunately, I made her talk the whole time as I was desperately trying to keep up and catch my breath.

As the Momster says: Just take one day at a time.

Keep calm and carry on...

Trudging through

Rough week at law school this week.

While I really do appreciate the support, it seems like when people want to help they just tell me things like It will be okay, You only have a few months left, You only have a few weeks left of this semester, You've done it before so you'll do it again. But maybe I won't be able to get through it this time. And even if I get through it, "a few" weeks and months is a lot to me -- especially when they are this miserable. It's a crappy few weeks/months with too much work, not enough sleep, feeling miserable, perpetual anxiety. I just want to go home -- real home, to Cape Cod -- and sleep for a month straight without eating, working out or seeing anyone. Literally, when this is all over, I want to not wake up for a month.

I don't want to feel stressed out all the time. I don't want to feel high strung and jumpy. I want to be spontaneous. I don't want just one "fun" thing of the day, especially when that one "fun" this is going on the training bike at the gym at 5:45 a.m. I want to spend a long time at the grocery store and cook dinner. I don't want "sleeping late" to mean sleeping until 5:30 a.m. I want to be more laid back and easy going. I want to read novels and do the crossword puzzle. I want to listen to This American Life and Radio Lab. I want to go to pick-up frisbee games until dark, or whenever I feel like leaving. I don't want to burst into tears for no reason other than the stress of it all. I want back the confidence in myself that I used to have.

When will it end?

The buzz

Check out this really cool website: http://www.buzzchurn.com/

Someone I know in the PhD program at the grad school made it. It checks all the English language newspapers around the world for "state fragility" -- in real time. How cool is that!?

In other news, I signed up for course next semester. My LAST semester. Unbelievable.

Denver Journal of Int'l Law & Policy (2)
International Business Transactions (3)
Evidence (4)
Community Economic Development (3)
Conflict of Laws (3)

I likely will end up dropping one of those classes (Community Economic Development?), but -- unfortunately -- Evidence is required. Silly Lawyer classes. Int'l Business Transactions will be taught by a guy who does Int'l Development and Law stuff. Should be good!

I also will be a Research Assistant for a professor at the grad school. We're going to work on collecting and coding bilateral trade agreements, looking for clustering between OECD countries.

Happy Halloween

But. But. But.

But my favorite month ends in less than 4 hours. How could it go that quickly!? Couldn't March go that quickly. Couldn't driving through Connecticut go that quickly? Couldn't the rest of law school go that quickly?

I've been working on my paper and other studying all weekend. I went for two walk/jogs. I'm currently at Whole Foods for a quick stop before heading home to study more. It seems depressingly endless.

This will be a difficult next few weeks. I can't say I'm looking forward to it. Here's what's coming up:

Nov 2 - 25 page Ethics paper
Nov 6 - First part of the Bar Exam (Professional Ethics)
Nov 9 - Memo for Mining class due
Nov 11 - Trade paper (25? 30 pages?)
Nov 15 - Book review (15 pages)
Nov 16 - 5 page narrative paper
Petroleum Paper & Presentation
Mining Paper & Presentation
Trade Presentation

This is all on top of regular class and reading

a gripe

I have to gripe. I can't stand it anymore:

There is this one law student (2L?) who is in the library every morning. She pretty, has huge breasts, but is thin and tiny. She's "blonde" - (fake dyed) and her high-arched eyebrows are dramatic. I've never seen her smile.

She struts around - All. The. Time. She sticks out her chest, walks super slowly and visibly shifts her hips horizontally from side to side when she walks. Occasionally, she'll toss her hair. Her lips are always pushed out in a pout. Everything she does is over the top sultry. For some reason, I can't stand it! It just pisses me off that she gives off this 'I'm so incredibly hot' attitude every moment of every day. She could be trying to look sexy while wearing a prison jumpsuit. Or reading administrative law, as the case may be. (See the similarity - jail, reading admin?)

*I'm sorry, I know this is not a nice post, but I had to get it out. Some people just irk you.

One day at a time

I'm fighting this sinking feeling that is coming on. Those same feelings of stress and I-don't-belong-here. I had a nice weekend and all, but then Monday comes and I get all stressed out again about life, jobs, loans, money (or lack thereof), the bar exam, papers.

I've made some big changes and cut out commitments, so in theory, I should have more time to eat, sleep, be happier. I'm reading a novel. I go to yoga and the gym. I spent an hour going to the grocery store. I made dinner. I baked scones. I should be happy, no?

Instead, I just feel inadequate for not having an internship. I feel inadequate for "only" doing a full-time schedule of 4 classes, a masters thesis, and being on a law journal. Why do I have to feel guilty about free time or actually getting 8 hours of sleep at night. I feel like my head is spinning with law/professional/career ideas that I don't have anyone to talk to about. I feel pressure to look and apply for jobs. I feel pressure to decide where to take the bar. I am anxious already that I won't pass the bar. This fall semester leads to spring semester, which leads to the bar exam, which leads to starting a job (if I have one) ... rush rush rush, no time to rest or recover from life.

First week of school

Things have been busy busy busy since I got back to Denver. I've seen friends, gone for bike rides, started up yoga and swimming. I changed my course schedule and I am about to cinch a 9 month least at a great apartment.

The classes:

International Comparative Petroleum Oil Law and Policy
International Mining Law and Policy
Legal Profession: Women in the Law
International Trade

The Apartment:

In an old historic brick mansion, the studio has 12 ft ceilings, a walk in closet, huge windows, wood floor and black/white checker kitchen tile, old fashioned tub, garden courtyard, loft bed with a desk underneath. I love it! If all goes well, I sign the lease Thursday and move in in a week.

The Internship:

No internship yet. I am considering (1) trying to do some higher-level policy work on economic development and international trade policy for the Colorado state government or (2) interning for the legal department of LaraBar. My most favorite-est exercise snack bar that is gluten free and started by women, based locally here in Denver. Can we say, free samples?

Other:

The weather is fabulous. I'm thinking of doing a sprint triathlon. I want a windowsill garden with rosemary, aloe, and basil plants. I have no internet at home and am holding out as long as I can. I'm reading for pleasure.

winding down

Just about one week left of my internship. I am done with my summer class requirements, so time at home will be a true vacation. That is, if I can manage to leave the stress and anxiety about school-bar-job-Denver on the other side of the Sagamore Bridge.

I saw El Secreto de Sus Ojos, the Argentinean movie that won an Oscar for best foreign film. Very good! I recommend it. Seriously, the second movie I've seen all year. No joke. Two. No time. No money. No attention span. No nada.

I was lucky enough to meet my sister for lunch the other day when she was in town. That was fun!

I went to Baltimore tonight for dinner with some family (my mom's first cousins). Sigh, probably my last time for a long while. I like it there. It's cheesy, but I saw a City Sports and really wanted to stop in to buy a City Sport Baltimore shirt to work out in. They were so sweet and we had a really nice time at dinner. Asian fusion - yummy.

Tomorrow morning (gulp, must get to sleep) I am going to a networking breakfast hosted at the American Society for International Law. It's for women who are interested in international law. I wanted to go less about the networking, but really just to meet some cool, inspiring women. Should be good.

Library of Congress

Nerd Alert:

Yesterday I went to the Library of Congress for a tour organized by work. We also got the special tour, the tour of the law library of congress. It was so cool! We saw a whole bunch of rare books from the law library including one of Ben Franklin's printings of the Constitution. A copy of the Constitution in Dutch. A copy of the Constitution in Cherokee. The language of Cherokee Indians was actually made up and written specifically for being able to write the Constitution. The sounds have no relation to the written words. The words stand for syllables. And, the words are a mix of Cyrillic and Germanic written forms. The rare collections part of the law library also has a whole section of international texts on rule of law. How cool! I am going to make an appointment to go back and see it. I touched books from the 1400s, 1500s, 1600s. Oooo. Aaaah.

From there, we went to the regular Library of Congress tour. Pretty cool, too (almost as cool as the law library). The building itself is beautiful with stained glass, sculpture and meaningful art. The statue figurines are all studying various things. One of the ceilings had the three most prized professions written in various stones -- Medicine, Theology, and - you guessed it -- law. I thought that was pretty cool. Body, Mind, and how those two (body + mind = person) relate to others. We also saw the first map that ever had the label 'America' on our big ol' mass of land. Apparently, the 'brary bought it for $10 million. That's right. 12 pieces of paper for $10 million. They also have Thomas Jefferson's personal library collection. Actually, it's most of the collection but not all because some of it got burned back during the civil revolution. He had a huge philosophy and law section. Hurrah!

The guide said there were over a hundred names of famous academics, intellectuals, important people, etc. written in the walls/ceilings, but that only 1 of them was a woman. What made me ever angrier was that the tour guide (an old man) didn't even bother to tell us the woman's name or what she did! The irony! Telling us how in the olden days people didn't respect women as intellectuals or leaders, but then not telling us about the rare one that they did revere! I was going to ask, but another girl on our tour interrupted him and asked first.

I wish I could spend many, many days in there.

I like books. Books are my friends. :)

Speaking of, right now I'm reading Armageddon by Leon Uris. He's one of my favorite authors. I just love his stories, I love learning (his books are mainly creative non-fiction/historical fiction). I love that he writes about Jews. I love that his books are epic. What are you reading, besides my bloggie ;) ?