april's fool

I'm back in Denver for the final push...sleepless, I am writing thank yous at Starbucks for meetings last week in Boston. Yoga is in an hour. Then it's back to the real homework and meetings.

Back at it

I'm still resisting the countdown, but let's just say that my friend's gchat status says "Only 10 more weekends in Colorado." It's not so much that I want to leave Colorado. I do like a lot of things about Colorado, and think without this school business I could grow to really love the lifestyle out here. But, that's just it -- "without this school business." The countdown that I'm not doing is to the end of school. Graduating.

I will hopefully write up a long piece on the whole trip, but I feel very centered and calm after Spring Break. People around me are all flustered and crazy, but I feel a-okay. In fact, really good. I like it.

Some thoughts I've had (quickly, because I have to get work done) --

Welcome back to Bloody booger Colorado. Seriously, this place is so dry.

I bought my ticket to Korbel Prom. I'm not going to the law school prom ("Barrister's Ball"), but the grad school prom seemed like a deal: swank hotel downtown, $10 for drinks and apps. Why not? Hmm... what to wear?

Oh, ow, why are running muscles so different from biking ones? My heart and lungs could go forever but my legs are killing me! I don't know how Triathletes do it.

Made some granola the other night. It literally took 20 minutes and was delicious. And way cheaper than what you can buy at the store. Why have I not discovered this earlier!?

Happy 2011!

I have been bad with le bloggie. I'm back! This is just a teaser... but break was fantastic. As were my few days here in Denver before class started. I'm off to my first class - starts in 10 minutes and I'm excited for the new semester. My last semester! I'm taking Evidence, International Business Transactions, and Community Economic Development. I have a job as a research assistant ... and plan to have a fantastic life (running, biking, reading, mountain-ing, dancing, eating, cooking, seeing friends, etc.). Visitors and co-conspirators welcome!

Off to class... and so it begins! Here we go! :)

Trudging through

Rough week at law school this week.

While I really do appreciate the support, it seems like when people want to help they just tell me things like It will be okay, You only have a few months left, You only have a few weeks left of this semester, You've done it before so you'll do it again. But maybe I won't be able to get through it this time. And even if I get through it, "a few" weeks and months is a lot to me -- especially when they are this miserable. It's a crappy few weeks/months with too much work, not enough sleep, feeling miserable, perpetual anxiety. I just want to go home -- real home, to Cape Cod -- and sleep for a month straight without eating, working out or seeing anyone. Literally, when this is all over, I want to not wake up for a month.

I don't want to feel stressed out all the time. I don't want to feel high strung and jumpy. I want to be spontaneous. I don't want just one "fun" thing of the day, especially when that one "fun" this is going on the training bike at the gym at 5:45 a.m. I want to spend a long time at the grocery store and cook dinner. I don't want "sleeping late" to mean sleeping until 5:30 a.m. I want to be more laid back and easy going. I want to read novels and do the crossword puzzle. I want to listen to This American Life and Radio Lab. I want to go to pick-up frisbee games until dark, or whenever I feel like leaving. I don't want to burst into tears for no reason other than the stress of it all. I want back the confidence in myself that I used to have.

When will it end?

No excuses...

...just results.

I have been a terrible bloggie-er this month. It's tough with the traveling, moving, starting school, homework, trying to work out. Okay. Enough excuses. Without further delay:

My classes seem pretty good so far. I am trying to do extra (as in, "outside," not "additional") work like finding and applying for fellowships, a MA thesis, writing my own recommendation from my summer internship, and writing a case note to be published. I like to do as much work up-front and as early as possible in the semester if I can. I hate the sprint and rush to do everything at the end of the semester. I try to avoid that at all costs. I'm not sure I'm doing a good job, though, because all these extra things keep popping up.

I'm also in the middle of moving. Literally. I moved most of my things, but realized there were substantial/numerous issues with my newly-signed-lease apartment. I didn't want to finish moving my stuff and a natural gas smell made me nervous even to sleep there. So, my things are in my new apartment but my bed and ME (sleeping) are in the old apartment. I have to shower at the gym and eat out because I don't even have a shower curtain or any kitchenware in the kitchen. I can't even read in bed because there is only a light in the kitchen and in the bathroom, not the studio room. I basically get up early and leave for the day. I stay out as late as possible and literally go to bed the second I get home. It's all very unsettling and I wish things would be resolved quickly.

Some good things going on? Um. Um. Um. I'm reading Cradle of Gold written by my dear friend, Chris Heaney. I love the book, love reading the products of his hard work, and I love knowing my friend better.