Hi, there

The Executive Summary: I'm really happy.

Oh gosh, I think about the bloggie all the time. I offer a small excuse that it's hard to post without interwebs at home. And, things here have been so busy. Turns out life without a full-time job is actually pretty full. I am gone from 7-9 every day (weekends, too!). I am busy with:

networking | happy hours | "meeting for coffee or a drink" | running! | consulting for Global Integrity | getting lost on bike rides (in a good way) | sweating (in a bad way) | Tweeting professionally @Carrie-Golden | reading a David Foster Wallace book | visiting and being visited by family | meeting new people | discussing Aristotle at a Georgetown book club | missing those I love far away | eating delicious, delicious summer fruit | slee...zzzz

Could it be that I am enjoying you, D.C.? o_O

Until soon.

A day in the life

Things are so good right now, I feel a little freakish walking around smiling all the time. Good freakish. Happy freakish. Here's what things look like...

Monday.

5 a.m. Wake up and run 10 miles. Fresh legs. Listen to NPR and catch up on the news. See hardly anyone. Get home before the sun rises.

7 a.m. Stop off for coffee and happen to know the barista, who is incredibly kind and gives me his discount.

7:30 a.m. - 10 a.m. Prep for being "on call" in Evidence. Surprise Hypo and my argument as defense counsel for an evidentiary issue up on appeal. Right. What does that even mean? Don't these people know I'm totally out of my element and unqualified for these sorts of shenanigans?

10 a.m. - 12 p.m. Evidence Class. I realize my understanding of "informal" is a tad on the casual side, but smile and keep it together. Attempt to make eye contact with my "jury of peers" (Hm. Literally and figuratively.), but realize no one is even paying attention to me and eyes are glued to computers. Feel relieved. Resolve to make eye contact with my professor all semester long, even if that's the most I get out of Evidence class, that I paid attention and made the professor feel as if one student was engaged. Raise typical, idealistic Carrie comments about how my hypothetical client didn't obstruct the Plaintiff's fundamental rights and access to justice.

12 p.m. - 5 p.m. Do my work developing a database of bilateral trade agreements. I'm a paid Research Assistant (and Project Manager (oooh, ahhh)) for a young, hot-shot Latin American professor at the grad school. After I make this database thing I'll start coding, testing hypotheses, and looking for things like clusters and patterns. Exciting! Joined by the lovely KS. Fine! Sheesh, people, I admit it - had another cup of coffee.

5 p.m. - 6:30 p.m. Book the squash court at the gym and practice my serve until my forearm hurts and my fingers are shaky. Approximately half an hour. Shower.

6:30 - 7:30 p.m. Scarf down dinner brought from home, attempting to save money. Ate delicious Trader Joe's indian fare an east coast friend shipped in a care package. (Hint Hint to all you loyal bloggie readers!)

7:30 p.m. - 9 p.m. Int'l Business Transactions class. Figure out how I can multi-task and use my time wisely while listening in class.

9 - 11:30 p.m. Meet les amies GC and KS for a drinkie-drink at a dive bar. What are the chances -- it's karaoke night! Some people just have all the luck. Eat delicious nachos and sweet potato fries. Talk about boys (naturally) and school. Make plans to go dancing.

11:30 p.m. - 12:00 a.m. Walk home feeling ridiculously happy with my life right now.

12:00 - 12:30 a.m. Characteristic dicking around because I can never go straight to sleep when I get home.

12:30 a.m. The moment I've been waiting for, glorious sleep.

Lounging hard

After a book review, a paper, and 2 presentations, I took today OFF. It was glorious. Slept late, went to breakfast at my favorite spot, read part of a novel my parents gave me, wrote letters, caught up on cleaning, dishes, and laundry. Went for a 2 1/2 hour ride with la Gracie. Oh my gosh, we were so cold! There was ice and snow in parts! I'm just not ready to put Italo away for the winter...

The Epitome Of My Day:

I was bumming around checking my e-mail at school before class tonight and my friend Tony walked up and says, "You look like you're lounging hard."

London + back again

Ahhh, London was so wonderful! I had never been there before and just adored it. Yes, yes, I know vacation and visiting with friends and all of this is makes it a different experience from actually living there. But it was a good experience! What didn't we do!?

I arrived Friday, picked up my friend's keys from the restaurant below his flat. After shower and "topping up" the Skype phone I borrowed from Diana, I walked around West London for the afternoon. My friend got off work and we went to a gastropub in Angel for dinner. Delicious food: notably, the "chips" (fries). Walked past a hip bar and decided to go in for a shi-shi drink. The bar was warm refuge, bustling, small, crowded, dark, looked nondescript from the outside. Good fun. Reminded me of a bigger/older Boston.

Saturday we headed to Portabello Market to browse the food, antiques, and people watch. From there, we hoped on the tube to get to Embanquement (spelling?) where we walked along the Thames, crossed bridges, heard a classical music afternoon concert at the Queen Elizabeth Hall, saw the Tate Modern and the Gauguin Exhibit going on right now. What next? We went toward Central London to see the sights, walk through Chinatown, Regents Park, Hyde Park, etc. We stopped when we got hungry as we were passing Iraqi food. YUM. After that we picked up ice cream on the way home.

Sunday we went to Brick Lane. So cool! Hipster market type. Young crowd, awesome stands of independent artists with graphic tees, jewelry, scarves, clothes, trinkets, cards, bags, food, etc. I loved the bustling crowd, diversity of look, style, language. From there we went to afternoon tea and hustled to a fringe theater show that was hilarious. I looooved it. Walked home, past this beautiful, empty street with all the embassies. Watched part of Woody Allen movie and crashed hard.

Monday morning I got to meet Diana's musician friends for breakfast at Le Pain Quotidien. Yay! So nice to meet them and talk about our little Diana. I caught a flight at about 4 p.m. and watched the sunset for about 8 hours as we raced the sun toward the West. I was exceedingly proud of myself for doing homework and not sleeping during the flight. Picked up my car, exhausted, drove back to Denver and got to bed at 11 p.m. Denver time/6 a.m. London time.

I am very lucky to have such good friends all around the world. Couldn't have asked for a more perfect weekend!

Since then, back to the ol' routine. Gym in the morning, work and meetings and class all day. I wrote and handed in a 3,000 word midterm yesterday (due at 7 p.m.). Glad that's over with! On to the next paper, er. um. I mean updating the neglected little bloggie. Sorry bloggie and kind readers!

Also of note, I have now gone running 2 days in a row! YAaaay! The first day I did:

walk 5 min
run 10 min
walk 5 min
run 10 min

Then yesterday I did:

walk 5 min
Run 10 min
walk 5 min
run 10 min
walk 5 min
run 17 min
walk 10 min

And when I say "run," let's be honest, I was barely jogging. But, hey, it's fall. It's beautiful and leaves are falling. I felt great and felt pretty lucky and happy about it all! Who cares about all that law school work waiting for me. :)

One day at a time

I'm fighting this sinking feeling that is coming on. Those same feelings of stress and I-don't-belong-here. I had a nice weekend and all, but then Monday comes and I get all stressed out again about life, jobs, loans, money (or lack thereof), the bar exam, papers.

I've made some big changes and cut out commitments, so in theory, I should have more time to eat, sleep, be happier. I'm reading a novel. I go to yoga and the gym. I spent an hour going to the grocery store. I made dinner. I baked scones. I should be happy, no?

Instead, I just feel inadequate for not having an internship. I feel inadequate for "only" doing a full-time schedule of 4 classes, a masters thesis, and being on a law journal. Why do I have to feel guilty about free time or actually getting 8 hours of sleep at night. I feel like my head is spinning with law/professional/career ideas that I don't have anyone to talk to about. I feel pressure to look and apply for jobs. I feel pressure to decide where to take the bar. I am anxious already that I won't pass the bar. This fall semester leads to spring semester, which leads to the bar exam, which leads to starting a job (if I have one) ... rush rush rush, no time to rest or recover from life.

(air)Port Post

7:58 p.m
Logan Airport
Gate C36

I ended my internship in D.C. I may or may not have cried while walking to work on my last day. I loved my D.C. summer life, my coworkers, my daily routine, the big black woman, Monty, who worked at my gym (the JCC). I loved stopping off at the farmers market on my way home to pick up veggies. I loved going for walks. I loved visiting my grandmother on weekends. I loved hopping on the MARC Penn Line to visit my friend in Baltimore. I loved Baltimore. For once, I had an internship where I got to do the job I would have if I worked there. And, for once, I loved the job I got to do. But, my time came to an end. I scrubbed my apartment, left some wine and a gift card for SweetGreen, packed my bags and headed North.

I saw my eye doctor in Boston before jumping on a bus down to the Cape. Carrying all my stuff from the last 3 month, eyes dilated with the 4:30 p.m. sun setting in my eyes, I staggered grouchy, groggy and blind around the J-Way streets trying to find my way back to South Station. I was a sorry sight, for sure. I made it home -- real home -- and powered off my cell phone, tucked away my computer and swore off communicating with the outside world (not so hard, as Verizon is spotchy at my parents' house). I had a lovely, hectic few days with my family. I read two books. I slept with no alarm. I got new contact lenses and had my teeth cleaned. We got sand in our shoes and ate homemade ice cream. We went sailing. We had fresh fish, smooth as butter, and baked blueberry crisp. We visited my aunt and walked her dog. We had dinner with my 90 year-old grandmother who still swims laps in the ocean. We saw my grandfather's closet, still part full a mere five months after he passed. We went for runs and walks. We saw shooting stars at the bridge down the street.

We got and gave hugs. We laughed. We cried. We changed our life plans. We yelled. We made new life plans. We loved each other. We told one another we loved each other.

We said goodbye.

....

En route back to Denver. I feel rejuvenated and excited. I found myself again this summer. I was inspired. I have ideas. I have motivation and initiative. The anger abated. The confidence came back. I am myself. I am my self.

This will be my year.

Made it to Friday

Quick updates --

I have been laying off the running this week (and next) because my heel is sore. I'm afraid it's plantar fasciitis. This means lots of elliptical. I miss running and being outside. :( I think riding should be okay, so I'm going to head out for a ride this weekend.

I was offered my dream internship in DC! Very excited about it for so many reasons. More on that later. The jobs, the friends, the family, the new (diverse! international!) city -- cannot wait!

I went to PILG Auction last night. Open bar (which I can never seen to get my money's worth), fun mingling, dressed up fancy, and had a good 80s cover band. I thought I was going to get pulled over when I was driving home because I was so tired I was driving terribly.

The quarter ends next week. I have 1 15 page paper; 1 10 page paper/final exam; 1 25 page paper; 1 presentation; 1 20 page paper. I'm sleep deprived and my head is spinning. Spring break is coming up!

Um, hi. It's March. Can't believe that.

A taste of freedom

I was at a playground last night and had a moment of freedom - the swings! There is something truly liberating about swinging. Swings seem so simple with just two chains and a piece of rubber. Of course they are wonderful for kids, but I really think they're even better for adults. When else do adults get to feel weightless fluidity? There I was, pumping my legs, feeling the winter air run through my fleece coat, and falling into an unconscious rhythm. It was so relaxing and energizing, a moment of mesmerizing trance in the smooth movement. I felt like a pendulum tracing the lunar shape of a moon cookie. I also felt like I was back at BWB. I know that part of the allure of swings is probably connected to nostalgic days of elementary school because those were good days. (Note: I don't say, 'Those were the good days,' because I really believe every day has potential to be a good day. Many days since childhood and my days today are equally, yet differently, good days. I can't stand to believe that the best days are behind me.) But, really, the swings were good for the soul. Go find some swings. Go at night, if you want to be stealth - or, if you want the experience to be all yours.

In the wise words of my brother: They can steal my GPA but they can't steal my freedom.

Made it through

Monday.

What a doozy.

My brain is pretty mushy right now, but I wanted to reflect on something (anything). Stagnant blogs are boring.

I went to a cool cafe here in Denver last weekend. Illegal Grounds. They had H&H bagels (!), good egg and cheese, Italian Illy coffee, empanadas and quiches. De-licious. Good atmosphere with open space, comfy chairs and couches. Free wireless. A friend and I sat, shared food, chatted and watched the snow fall before getting some homework done. The owner is a Peruvian-Jew! How crazy is that? It made me so happy that - for once - he didn't think my Spanish accent was from Spain. He knew exactly where I learned Spanish, "Ah! Tu hablas como los serranos!" You speak like the mountain people! My friend and I are going back sometime for some homemade ceviche. Mmmm! Buena onda...

Anyway, a quick update, but better than nothing. Off to bed for me, snow falling softly through the street lights.

Freeday!

Hurrah! It's Friday and I am off to have some fun. This week was a doozy. Don't get me wrong - I love it! The busy, crazy running around trying to get a million things done, catching up with lots of people and (admittedly) little sleep. Going to First Friday tonight, then dancing. Other adventures in store for the rest of the weekend. Lots of studying, going to climb at the REI wall, sushi girl dinner, running. Can't wait!

And, because this actually is my personal space to rant, consider the following:

What the f. is up with the streets of Denver!? I have fallen 5 times this winter (don't tell mom!). Every time I fall, I scrape up my knees, go through a bunch of bandaids and get some pretty nice bruises. Grrrr. The latest, yesterday morning, some dude just happened to be there and says, "Woa, that sucks!" Pretty solid way to start a Thursday morning.

Dear Denver:

Please fix your sidewalks and have street lights that actually illuminate the sidewalks. Also, if you could arrange for the sun to rise a bit earlier that would be fine by me.

Cheers,

capecodchica.

I'm out, going to look for some mischief, you coming? ;)

Living more consciously

I have been much happier these days. Back a few weeks ago I wrote No soy yo. I am not myself. I was living numbly awhile. I hadn't felt myself in so long, that I wondered if I ever would feel it again. By 'it' I mean that I wanted to engage in the world. I wanted to smile more and make my nerdy, dry puns even when no one understood them and I would just seem like an odd character. I wanted to say Good Morning to people I ran by on the bike path. I wanted to care about how I dressed, not that I have "style" but, shall we say, I have a style. My style. I wanted to talk to random people, ride the bus rather than drive, cook dinner and bring my lunch. All of this, I just didn't feel like I had time to do before. Something changed. Finally! I feel this weight lifted off me. I am myself again! I feel the same sort of confidence that I had when I first moved back to the states from Peru. I got through "tough times." I did the independent thing. I could make things happen and be myself. Be myself. Be my self.

I think part of being me is that I am much more compassionate toward other people. Why? Maybe it's because as I engage with the world around me, I start to care more about the people and environment around me, too. Maybe it's because I feel a broader spectrum of emotions just by living more consciously. The happy is happier; the sad is more sad. I like this way of living. I have always thought this: I would rather feel something than feel nothing. That is, I would rather feel emotions strongly, than not feel anything at all.

As part of this living more consciously and feeling emotions more deeply, I cried twice this week. Both times it happened because I just was hit with a wave of profound emotion. I felt sad for the way things are, at once inexplicable and completely understandable. The first time was when I was cooking dinner and mindlessly listening to the news on the radio. The compassionate voice from the little black hand radio on my table reported that one third of Haiti's entire population died in the earthquake. One third. Thirty-three percent. I can't really fathom the extent of suffering in that country, on that island, right now. The second time I cried was when I was on the bus home from school yesterday. A crew of high school girls behind me were talking about ethnicity. Of course, the way the were chattering was not so sophisticated: energetic, full of "like," and testing their new ideas by saying them aloud to each other. "Wait, what if I married an Asian guy, then my kids would be... 3/4 Asian?" What made me feel a profound wave of emotion, though, was the man sitting in front of me. Obviously frazzled and unkempt, it was clear he was a war veteran. He kept swearing and repeating this one phrase over and over and over. "Shit, man, I killed people over there!" I couldn't help it. Tears came. That did, and does, strike me as a moment I will remember for a long time. I was - and am - sad for this man whose whole experience of life has been shaded with guilt and constant memory of his inhumanity. Sad for the people he killed over there, whoever they are and wherever there is.

Living consciously...

First Day of School!

Back in Grad classes! I just had two classes today. The first was better than the second.

First, Jack Donnelly's Intro to Human Rights. That guy is a riot. He does this weird pretzel thing with his legs under his desk, makes dry jokes as he runs out of breath, and breezes his hand (pinkie ring and all) through his white hair while talking. But, boy, is he brilliant. I had him for Int'l Political Theory last summer and basically hung on his every word. I'm looking forward to this class, too!

Here is the quick question I asked him after class. The basic concept of today that Donnelly lectured on is that while human rights norms are accepted pretty much across the board on the international level, the enforcement and implementation of human rights is done on a national level. In other words, all countries basically agree what are human rights, but not all countries believe they are improperly enforcing/implementing those human rights in their country to their citizens. So, I asked if this base premise (that nations enforce human rights) presupposes another "human right," the right to belong to a nation. Basically, this "human right" would be less of a universal right conferred from the fact that a being is human. Rather, it would be actually be a precursor to exercising one's human right that is due only because of our social-political constructs, namely, the way we have organized the world to be full of countries that have (1) territory and (2) sovereignty. Donnelly seemed pretty interested in this idea. He said that it was one of the weakest areas of human rights theory because it's unclear which takes precedent -- state territorial sovereignty or individual human rights -- and because not all people have membership to a state (refugees, asylum status immigrants, etc.) . True, true. Those reasons are what motivated me to ask the question in the first place. While I am interested in the strength (analytical logic) of the human rights theory, I actually was most curious about indigenous and minority groups that had/want their own territory, self-determination and self-governance within the dominant state.

Call me a groupie, but I am also going to audit Donnelly's other class - Ancient Political Theory.

Second class is Politics of Development. I was not as impressed. We watched some video clips, had some power points that made vast generalizations under poor logic. Worst of all, the professor posed some pretty scattered and unimpressive (hackneyed) questions in an attempt to generate discussion. Meh. We'll see how that goes.

Also - I applied to 13 internships today! Pick me, pick me! Must. Sleep. Now.