Last night in Denver

Well, the bags are packed. My walls are bare. I made the rounds to say Goodbye to friends. I did my favorite runs. I ate at my favorite restaurants. I picked up my sister from the airport, who kindly came to take part in Road Trip II (woo!). Off to sleep I go, the fountain trickling in the background, for one last night in Denver. New, exciting adventures begin tomorrow.

Good night, Denver.

one step forward, one back

I was feeling better about things after I volunteered at two events this week. One event was the show-off days for my grad school. I was asked to volunteer as the J.D./M.A. representative to answer any questions for accepted students. I considered it an honor and was more than happy to help. It's weird how my feelings toward the two graduate schools can be so disparate. Anyway, the new acceptees were amazing people: interesting, smart, nice, well-spoken, and well-traveled. It really lifted my spirits to talk to all these new people. I picked up some of their excitement about this school and the privilege of learning here. I also must admit it was a bit of a confidence boost to share all my experiences here in Denver. It was like a little review and reminder that I have worked hard, done some interesting things, and really gotten a lot out of my M.A. program. Also, um, it was nice to actually know the answers to the questions I was being asked. I almost felt like a competent expert in something again because, as my brother said, grad (law) school is very disempowering.

The second volunteer event was that I was a judge for a high school international development problem-solving competition. Much like Oddessy of the Mind, Future Problem Solvers or Gateway, these kids were given a problem related to the Millenium Development Goals and had to solve it. I judged three rounds. I must say, my teams weren't fabulous, but there were some stars who were very sharp and creative. It really made me proud of the kids and happy that 'international development' is permeating the secondary, public education system. These kids will be my peers one day! It also felt nice to give back and be connected with my community even if only for a few days. I miss that - donating my time and working in and with my multi-generational and -cultural community.

Otherwise, the weekend was mainly studying and job stuff, with some chores like laundry, cleaning, and grocery shopping. After a short afternoon trail run, I was feeling not too bad and starting to think I could handle this unknown/transition thing. Then, I cooked a really nice dinner, set the table for three and did some work until my guest showed up. Then I did more work. Still no guests. More work. No guests. Finally, over an hour later, I figured my guests weren't coming and put things away, just eating some of the salad by myself. I guess they forgot. I feel bummed about it. I feel like 'why bother.' Why bother with people, with Denver, with trying to stay engaged until I leave. I mean, I don't even think I ever even was able to engage in Denver. People here don't make it easy. I'm trying to shake it off and stay focused on exams and jobs. I just wish I hadn't spent all the money on food I now probably wont be able to eat fast enough before it either goes bad or I am sick of it.

Shaking it off.

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april's fool

I'm back in Denver for the final push...sleepless, I am writing thank yous at Starbucks for meetings last week in Boston. Yoga is in an hour. Then it's back to the real homework and meetings.

Winter's back

Sigh. Winter came back to Denver. It's 17 degrees and snowing.

Shabbat Shalom!

Snippet

Things I've thought about or done in the last few days --

Heard Heraldo Munoz speak (U.S. Ambassador to Chile) about inequality in Latin America.

Realized winter is in full force because my leg hair swings in the breeze. Why shave in winter, what with pants and leggings galore?

Had a fantastic hill run that left me breathless and almost too tired to make it back to school.

Sat outside in 72 degree weather.

Had a scrumptious Valentine's Day meal replete with wine, bread, homemade pea pesto, eggplant lasagna, kale, homemade cream puff pastries and - best of all - my favoritest girls, KS and GC. Couldn't have asked for better dates!

Finished reading Hygiene and the Assasin. Not sure I loved this disturbing, morbid tale. Unique, at least. Now I'm reading Little Bee.

Searched 5 grocery stores in Denver for 7-grain mix. To no avail. Date bread will have to wait until I can resume the search. I don't understand, though, because I've made this bread before in Denver ... which means I found the 7-grain mix somewhere. Riddle me this.

Here's heading into the weekend!

TBWOTY

We had the first annual sibling-cousin shin dig last weekend. A.k.a. The Best Weekend of the Year. It was so fun! We met in NYC. I got there early so I had a day with Dr. Baby Brother. I cooked him a bunch to have in his freezer for when he was too busy to cook. Don't want him losing weight!

We didn't do a whole lot, but we ate good food, talked and laughed in various locations like the Met, FAO Schwartz, The Strand etc. I soaked it all up and felt happy to have such great family (& significant others). I was pretty exhausted the whole weekend from the busy week before, the red eye flight, and general lack of sleep. Yesterday was rough, coming back to freezing temperatures (literally, it's 2 degrees and we're in the middle of an 8 inch snow storm. no snow day.) I rallied hard with no second coffee, no nap, and a trip to the bike at the gym.

In other news, I went to a Conference for Women in International Trade yesterday. Only so-so. The talk I really wanted to hear was canceled, but there were still some other interesting talks.

I also discovered and bought new music by a South African guy, Vusi Mahlasela. It's beautiful. Have a listen:
River Jordan

Symphony

Last night I heard Mozart's Requiem and the Oboe Concerto. So good! I loved it. I had a seat as far and high as I've ever been, but I kind of liked the bird's eye view and anonymity of it all. Before the piece, there was this long pause and this maintenance type guy came out to fix the microphone. When he came out people started clapping, maybe thinking he was the conductor? Anyway, he leaned down to fix the cord and everyone started clapping again. He stops what he's doing and looks up at the audience. Basically, he's saying, You people are crazy clapping for me. I didn't even do anything!" Clapping dies down. He finishes fixing and starts to walk off stage. Everyone claps. He just calmly, slowly walks off stage and doesn't look back. Brilliant non-verbal communication and humor. I loved it and thought it was hilarious!

Off to go running.

Denver weather: we had 65 degree weather all weekend. Monday and Tuesday are snow with lows of (actual temperature) -15. Yikes! Glad I played outside instead of doing work... tee hee hee!

A day in the life

Things are so good right now, I feel a little freakish walking around smiling all the time. Good freakish. Happy freakish. Here's what things look like...

Monday.

5 a.m. Wake up and run 10 miles. Fresh legs. Listen to NPR and catch up on the news. See hardly anyone. Get home before the sun rises.

7 a.m. Stop off for coffee and happen to know the barista, who is incredibly kind and gives me his discount.

7:30 a.m. - 10 a.m. Prep for being "on call" in Evidence. Surprise Hypo and my argument as defense counsel for an evidentiary issue up on appeal. Right. What does that even mean? Don't these people know I'm totally out of my element and unqualified for these sorts of shenanigans?

10 a.m. - 12 p.m. Evidence Class. I realize my understanding of "informal" is a tad on the casual side, but smile and keep it together. Attempt to make eye contact with my "jury of peers" (Hm. Literally and figuratively.), but realize no one is even paying attention to me and eyes are glued to computers. Feel relieved. Resolve to make eye contact with my professor all semester long, even if that's the most I get out of Evidence class, that I paid attention and made the professor feel as if one student was engaged. Raise typical, idealistic Carrie comments about how my hypothetical client didn't obstruct the Plaintiff's fundamental rights and access to justice.

12 p.m. - 5 p.m. Do my work developing a database of bilateral trade agreements. I'm a paid Research Assistant (and Project Manager (oooh, ahhh)) for a young, hot-shot Latin American professor at the grad school. After I make this database thing I'll start coding, testing hypotheses, and looking for things like clusters and patterns. Exciting! Joined by the lovely KS. Fine! Sheesh, people, I admit it - had another cup of coffee.

5 p.m. - 6:30 p.m. Book the squash court at the gym and practice my serve until my forearm hurts and my fingers are shaky. Approximately half an hour. Shower.

6:30 - 7:30 p.m. Scarf down dinner brought from home, attempting to save money. Ate delicious Trader Joe's indian fare an east coast friend shipped in a care package. (Hint Hint to all you loyal bloggie readers!)

7:30 p.m. - 9 p.m. Int'l Business Transactions class. Figure out how I can multi-task and use my time wisely while listening in class.

9 - 11:30 p.m. Meet les amies GC and KS for a drinkie-drink at a dive bar. What are the chances -- it's karaoke night! Some people just have all the luck. Eat delicious nachos and sweet potato fries. Talk about boys (naturally) and school. Make plans to go dancing.

11:30 p.m. - 12:00 a.m. Walk home feeling ridiculously happy with my life right now.

12:00 - 12:30 a.m. Characteristic dicking around because I can never go straight to sleep when I get home.

12:30 a.m. The moment I've been waiting for, glorious sleep.

Pre-cap of the semester

This semester will be fabulous --

3 classes (Evidence, International Business Transactions, Community Economic Development)
1 Journal (for credit)
1 Research Assistant Position (paid!)
1 bike trip from SF to LA (incl. beautiful train ride from Denver to SF)
1 Colorado Century Ride (TBD, all are welcome!)
1 First Annual Cousin Vacation (NYC, February)
1 Weekend-o-fun in Vail (this weekend!)
[Many] trail run, bike ride, Shabbat dinners, Symphony concerts, delicious bites, books to be read, friends to see, salsa dances to be had, etc.
2 graduations (okay, I'm actually not going to the ceremonies, but I will be done with the degrees!)
1 drive across the country (haven't picked the route yet -- but definitely through the South!)

Now's your last chance, suckers. Better book your ticket to come play in Denver before yours truly gets a rollin' ...

Happy 2011!

I have been bad with le bloggie. I'm back! This is just a teaser... but break was fantastic. As were my few days here in Denver before class started. I'm off to my first class - starts in 10 minutes and I'm excited for the new semester. My last semester! I'm taking Evidence, International Business Transactions, and Community Economic Development. I have a job as a research assistant ... and plan to have a fantastic life (running, biking, reading, mountain-ing, dancing, eating, cooking, seeing friends, etc.). Visitors and co-conspirators welcome!

Off to class... and so it begins! Here we go! :)

Star Kitchen

Star Kitchen,

You let me down. Big time. I know we've had at least one good meal together - you remember? That time I came for Dim Sum on a Sunday afternoon? It was decent. I thought we were friends.

But then today, your Chow Fun with vegetables was just all wrong! First it's a box of noodles and a container of the goodies. What!? Why aren't they mixed? Then, the sauce is so-so, and - let's be honest - the noodles were not wide rice noodles. They were pretty much just regular old skinny noodles.

Once again confirmed that there is no good Chinese food here in Denver.

Thanks a lot, Star Kitchen.

One day at a time

I'm fighting this sinking feeling that is coming on. Those same feelings of stress and I-don't-belong-here. I had a nice weekend and all, but then Monday comes and I get all stressed out again about life, jobs, loans, money (or lack thereof), the bar exam, papers.

I've made some big changes and cut out commitments, so in theory, I should have more time to eat, sleep, be happier. I'm reading a novel. I go to yoga and the gym. I spent an hour going to the grocery store. I made dinner. I baked scones. I should be happy, no?

Instead, I just feel inadequate for not having an internship. I feel inadequate for "only" doing a full-time schedule of 4 classes, a masters thesis, and being on a law journal. Why do I have to feel guilty about free time or actually getting 8 hours of sleep at night. I feel like my head is spinning with law/professional/career ideas that I don't have anyone to talk to about. I feel pressure to look and apply for jobs. I feel pressure to decide where to take the bar. I am anxious already that I won't pass the bar. This fall semester leads to spring semester, which leads to the bar exam, which leads to starting a job (if I have one) ... rush rush rush, no time to rest or recover from life.

No excuses...

...just results.

I have been a terrible bloggie-er this month. It's tough with the traveling, moving, starting school, homework, trying to work out. Okay. Enough excuses. Without further delay:

My classes seem pretty good so far. I am trying to do extra (as in, "outside," not "additional") work like finding and applying for fellowships, a MA thesis, writing my own recommendation from my summer internship, and writing a case note to be published. I like to do as much work up-front and as early as possible in the semester if I can. I hate the sprint and rush to do everything at the end of the semester. I try to avoid that at all costs. I'm not sure I'm doing a good job, though, because all these extra things keep popping up.

I'm also in the middle of moving. Literally. I moved most of my things, but realized there were substantial/numerous issues with my newly-signed-lease apartment. I didn't want to finish moving my stuff and a natural gas smell made me nervous even to sleep there. So, my things are in my new apartment but my bed and ME (sleeping) are in the old apartment. I have to shower at the gym and eat out because I don't even have a shower curtain or any kitchenware in the kitchen. I can't even read in bed because there is only a light in the kitchen and in the bathroom, not the studio room. I basically get up early and leave for the day. I stay out as late as possible and literally go to bed the second I get home. It's all very unsettling and I wish things would be resolved quickly.

Some good things going on? Um. Um. Um. I'm reading Cradle of Gold written by my dear friend, Chris Heaney. I love the book, love reading the products of his hard work, and I love knowing my friend better.

First week of school

Things have been busy busy busy since I got back to Denver. I've seen friends, gone for bike rides, started up yoga and swimming. I changed my course schedule and I am about to cinch a 9 month least at a great apartment.

The classes:

International Comparative Petroleum Oil Law and Policy
International Mining Law and Policy
Legal Profession: Women in the Law
International Trade

The Apartment:

In an old historic brick mansion, the studio has 12 ft ceilings, a walk in closet, huge windows, wood floor and black/white checker kitchen tile, old fashioned tub, garden courtyard, loft bed with a desk underneath. I love it! If all goes well, I sign the lease Thursday and move in in a week.

The Internship:

No internship yet. I am considering (1) trying to do some higher-level policy work on economic development and international trade policy for the Colorado state government or (2) interning for the legal department of LaraBar. My most favorite-est exercise snack bar that is gluten free and started by women, based locally here in Denver. Can we say, free samples?

Other:

The weather is fabulous. I'm thinking of doing a sprint triathlon. I want a windowsill garden with rosemary, aloe, and basil plants. I have no internet at home and am holding out as long as I can. I'm reading for pleasure.

(air)Port Post

7:58 p.m
Logan Airport
Gate C36

I ended my internship in D.C. I may or may not have cried while walking to work on my last day. I loved my D.C. summer life, my coworkers, my daily routine, the big black woman, Monty, who worked at my gym (the JCC). I loved stopping off at the farmers market on my way home to pick up veggies. I loved going for walks. I loved visiting my grandmother on weekends. I loved hopping on the MARC Penn Line to visit my friend in Baltimore. I loved Baltimore. For once, I had an internship where I got to do the job I would have if I worked there. And, for once, I loved the job I got to do. But, my time came to an end. I scrubbed my apartment, left some wine and a gift card for SweetGreen, packed my bags and headed North.

I saw my eye doctor in Boston before jumping on a bus down to the Cape. Carrying all my stuff from the last 3 month, eyes dilated with the 4:30 p.m. sun setting in my eyes, I staggered grouchy, groggy and blind around the J-Way streets trying to find my way back to South Station. I was a sorry sight, for sure. I made it home -- real home -- and powered off my cell phone, tucked away my computer and swore off communicating with the outside world (not so hard, as Verizon is spotchy at my parents' house). I had a lovely, hectic few days with my family. I read two books. I slept with no alarm. I got new contact lenses and had my teeth cleaned. We got sand in our shoes and ate homemade ice cream. We went sailing. We had fresh fish, smooth as butter, and baked blueberry crisp. We visited my aunt and walked her dog. We had dinner with my 90 year-old grandmother who still swims laps in the ocean. We saw my grandfather's closet, still part full a mere five months after he passed. We went for runs and walks. We saw shooting stars at the bridge down the street.

We got and gave hugs. We laughed. We cried. We changed our life plans. We yelled. We made new life plans. We loved each other. We told one another we loved each other.

We said goodbye.

....

En route back to Denver. I feel rejuvenated and excited. I found myself again this summer. I was inspired. I have ideas. I have motivation and initiative. The anger abated. The confidence came back. I am myself. I am my self.

This will be my year.

Summer wears on

It's 6:00 a.m. I'm heading to the gym in a minute.

The skies are grey, and it would be a perfect day for crawling back into bed and calling in sick. I've got my proposal, my baby, due today. There are phone calls to Peru to make. My iShuffle playlist awaits me, as I slowly wake up on the stationary bike. These are the summer days we would come out of Mr. Tyler's pool shivering and pretty much blue all over with purple lips. Mom would be waiting with arms open to wrap us in a towel. She'd feel so guilty throwing us into swimming lessons when we're that tiny and had so little body fat to keep us warm, we knew she'd make us hot chocolate on return. With marshmallows. We had it pretty good those days. Mid July is when you start to feel that summer, in fact, is not endless. But you rest assured that there are plenty of sunny days left ahead. More ice cream on Fridays at Smugglers or Captain Frosty's. More s'mores over the cooling barbecue coals. More sunsets at the bridge and shooting stars at midnight walks.

Summer wears on.

At this time of morning just a few weeks ago the sun would be up already. At night, it has started to get dark earlier. Hard to believe I've only three weeks left here in D.C. and just about four weeks until I'm back in Denver. I have this feeling that I'm leaving my real life here. The life that I love. The life that I went to Denver to be able to have. It's a nice affirmation that what I'm doing in graduate school will get me where I wanted (and want) to go. I just have to remember I'm not here yet. One more year. If I do land a job and get myself this real life for more than a summer, it'll all seem worthwhile. It's hard to imagine being in Denver, in school, taking exams, studying things like criminal procedure and evidence, for a whole other year. But, for now, I'll get myself to the gym, pump up my music, and move on with my grey summer day.

Summer wears on.

A taste of freedom

I was at a playground last night and had a moment of freedom - the swings! There is something truly liberating about swinging. Swings seem so simple with just two chains and a piece of rubber. Of course they are wonderful for kids, but I really think they're even better for adults. When else do adults get to feel weightless fluidity? There I was, pumping my legs, feeling the winter air run through my fleece coat, and falling into an unconscious rhythm. It was so relaxing and energizing, a moment of mesmerizing trance in the smooth movement. I felt like a pendulum tracing the lunar shape of a moon cookie. I also felt like I was back at BWB. I know that part of the allure of swings is probably connected to nostalgic days of elementary school because those were good days. (Note: I don't say, 'Those were the good days,' because I really believe every day has potential to be a good day. Many days since childhood and my days today are equally, yet differently, good days. I can't stand to believe that the best days are behind me.) But, really, the swings were good for the soul. Go find some swings. Go at night, if you want to be stealth - or, if you want the experience to be all yours.

In the wise words of my brother: They can steal my GPA but they can't steal my freedom.

Week in review

Wow, I can't believe the last time I wrote was Monday! And here we are, Friday already. *Shakes head.* I've been thinking of meaningful posts I want to do, but now I'll just write a post about the week...

I turned in a bunch of assignments this week: an editing and citing assignment, a midterm, a draft outline and bibliography. The midterm was actually fun to write! It was about how states are the principle implementers and enforcers of human rights.

Other going-ons this week? I had fun at my internship and worked on a project in Colombia. A Colorado company who makes prosthetic limbs wants to export there, so I was trying to figure out how to do that. What are the local laws, customs, duties, registrations and tariffs? Is there a potential market and who are the competitors? With whom might they work as a local middle-man? Pretty interesting and I was happy with the report I put together. I went to lunch at a new Thai restaurant with two other girls who work at the WTC with me - fun!

I work at the tallest building on the left.

I also had a killer run that night at Niketown. I was psyched - kept up with the guys. Their fancy Garmin watches said we were cruising along at a 6:20 pace. Woo! I was definitely hurting the next day. I also went to a Penn alumni fundraiser event last night. It was at the Ritz Carleton downtown with nice nibbles, cheese, and wine. It was all pretty posh, I got dressed up and had a good time. I'm reading (slowly) Dubliners by Joyce. Good writing and good stories about people accepting - choosing? - the inevitability of their place in society. Another thing that strikes me as I reflect on the week is all the beautiful sunrises and sunsets I have seen. There is something about the snow, the mountains and the dry air in winter here that reflects the sun in such beautiful ways. It's one of my favorite things about living here.

One last thing - I love puns. I heard a cool news piece about bilingual puns. Brilliant! The puns were in the context of restaurant names. Pho-Shizzle, Juan in a Million, Mmmmpanadas. Ha! I think it's great. I know, I'm a dork.

Made it through

Monday.

What a doozy.

My brain is pretty mushy right now, but I wanted to reflect on something (anything). Stagnant blogs are boring.

I went to a cool cafe here in Denver last weekend. Illegal Grounds. They had H&H bagels (!), good egg and cheese, Italian Illy coffee, empanadas and quiches. De-licious. Good atmosphere with open space, comfy chairs and couches. Free wireless. A friend and I sat, shared food, chatted and watched the snow fall before getting some homework done. The owner is a Peruvian-Jew! How crazy is that? It made me so happy that - for once - he didn't think my Spanish accent was from Spain. He knew exactly where I learned Spanish, "Ah! Tu hablas como los serranos!" You speak like the mountain people! My friend and I are going back sometime for some homemade ceviche. Mmmm! Buena onda...

Anyway, a quick update, but better than nothing. Off to bed for me, snow falling softly through the street lights.

Freeday!

Hurrah! It's Friday and I am off to have some fun. This week was a doozy. Don't get me wrong - I love it! The busy, crazy running around trying to get a million things done, catching up with lots of people and (admittedly) little sleep. Going to First Friday tonight, then dancing. Other adventures in store for the rest of the weekend. Lots of studying, going to climb at the REI wall, sushi girl dinner, running. Can't wait!

And, because this actually is my personal space to rant, consider the following:

What the f. is up with the streets of Denver!? I have fallen 5 times this winter (don't tell mom!). Every time I fall, I scrape up my knees, go through a bunch of bandaids and get some pretty nice bruises. Grrrr. The latest, yesterday morning, some dude just happened to be there and says, "Woa, that sucks!" Pretty solid way to start a Thursday morning.

Dear Denver:

Please fix your sidewalks and have street lights that actually illuminate the sidewalks. Also, if you could arrange for the sun to rise a bit earlier that would be fine by me.

Cheers,

capecodchica.

I'm out, going to look for some mischief, you coming? ;)