Personal Growth

I grew a little yesterday. Don't be confused -- I haven't actually gotten taller since about 7th grade. And, these days, any growth I have is probably Out, not Up. But the growth yesterday was In.

I am in Int'l Mining Law & Policy and Int'l Petroleum Law & Policy classes. Back in August, I decided to take these classes for several reasons. First, minerals, oil, and gas seem to motor (pun intended!) much of Latin American economy, so I figured I should know a thing or two about it. Secondly, Know Thy Enemy. A vaguely informed liberal, I assumed I would be the anti-mining, anti-oil & gas person of the class. We've all heard of the Newmont incidents in Peru, exploitation, digging away mountains, black diamonds, slave and child labor, digging for "black gold," and spending and making big profit. Need I say more? Finally, DU law has one of the best Environmental and Natural Resources programs in the country so I wanted to take advantage of that before I left the Rockies.

But, surprise surprise, the semester rolls on and I find myself respecting the mining industry more and more. (Unfortunately, my views of the petroleum industry still hold steady.) I look forward to my Tuesday evening Mining class and I patently dread Wednesday evenings' Petroleum class. I had assumed the fields would be virtually the same, but they aren't. How curious! I decided to organize a comparative lunch discussion event to think about this a bit more. I enlisted my professors, who graciously indulged me and took time from their busy work days. I scrounged around for some money and -- low and behold -- received a small scholarship grant from the Rocky Mountain Mineral Law Foundation to cover lunch.

And, so, yesterday was the day! Essentially, I was the MC and moderator of this two-person panel discussion. I asked questions. They answered. People listened. I think it went great! About 50-60 people showed up to hear this comparative discussion. We ran out of food (!!), which probably means I didn't plan well, but also is exciting that that many people were there. My professors were great, engaged with each other well and really drew out the differences between the two fields. It was super interesting and think people learned a lot. We had people from all different countries (American, Chilean, Peruvian, Japanese, Chinese, Thai, Nigerian, etc), Denver Law and Colorado School of Mines, students and professors. I was especially happy to see professors there because professors never come to anything.

After, people were thanking me for organizing, asking "Which organization are you with" (the Independent Carrie Wants to Learn Fund?), how did I think of the questions and format, when was my next event, etc. I was approached by the Director of Development for the law school and the Director of the Environmental & Natural Resources Law and Policy Graduate Program. After it ended, people stuck around and chatted. As my dad said, "Sounds like you brought people together."All in all, it was exciting!

I'm proud of myself for two reasons. First off, I wanted to learn something and the opportunity to learn it didn't already exist. So I made it happen! And, along the way, I thought I'd share the learning experience with others. It's a truly invigorating and confidence-boosting thing to feel like you can make your ideas really happen. Secondly, I have been trying to put myself in mildly uncomfortable situations (e.g. speaking in front of 60 people who are mainly older men with prestigious roles as lawyers, engineers, and professors). I think it's good for me because I'm forcing myself to grow as a person. I hope I didn't sound too nervous, young, or scared. But, hell, even if I did - who cares? The more times I do stuff like this, the better I will get.

Onward and upward (or, in this case inward!).

Summer wears on

It's 6:00 a.m. I'm heading to the gym in a minute.

The skies are grey, and it would be a perfect day for crawling back into bed and calling in sick. I've got my proposal, my baby, due today. There are phone calls to Peru to make. My iShuffle playlist awaits me, as I slowly wake up on the stationary bike. These are the summer days we would come out of Mr. Tyler's pool shivering and pretty much blue all over with purple lips. Mom would be waiting with arms open to wrap us in a towel. She'd feel so guilty throwing us into swimming lessons when we're that tiny and had so little body fat to keep us warm, we knew she'd make us hot chocolate on return. With marshmallows. We had it pretty good those days. Mid July is when you start to feel that summer, in fact, is not endless. But you rest assured that there are plenty of sunny days left ahead. More ice cream on Fridays at Smugglers or Captain Frosty's. More s'mores over the cooling barbecue coals. More sunsets at the bridge and shooting stars at midnight walks.

Summer wears on.

At this time of morning just a few weeks ago the sun would be up already. At night, it has started to get dark earlier. Hard to believe I've only three weeks left here in D.C. and just about four weeks until I'm back in Denver. I have this feeling that I'm leaving my real life here. The life that I love. The life that I went to Denver to be able to have. It's a nice affirmation that what I'm doing in graduate school will get me where I wanted (and want) to go. I just have to remember I'm not here yet. One more year. If I do land a job and get myself this real life for more than a summer, it'll all seem worthwhile. It's hard to imagine being in Denver, in school, taking exams, studying things like criminal procedure and evidence, for a whole other year. But, for now, I'll get myself to the gym, pump up my music, and move on with my grey summer day.

Summer wears on.

May flowers

Here I sit at a vegan-only cafe in Philly with the hippest of the hipsters and the punkiest of the punks. I have let the bloggie fall to the wayside with the understanding that I would be blogging daily again in the summer. I'm not done with my Quarter work (1 paper, 1 final left), but I've left Denver, not to return until mid-August. The past Quarter was especially hard - law school politics and slaps in the face, grad school politics and less-than-stellar professors, and my internship took a turn for the worst. I have been battling plantar fasciitis and heel spur, so running has been iffy, slow, and painful, if at all. I haven't been dating or meeting anyone. All meals have been pretty much alone and, well, all of Denver has been pretty lonely. All told, I'm pretty much ready for a break from Denver and school.

... Thus! I'm in D.C. for the summer doing an internship. My generous friend, Elizabeth, has kindly let me stay in her Dupont Circle one bedroom place for the summer. It's a beautiful apartment with a twelfth floor view of the city, matching red kitchenware and plenty of books on Latin America. The JCC is across the street and gives 35% off to students. Monty, a big black woman - perhaps not Jewish? - sits at the front desk and takes good care of me. Work is 1 mile away (hellooo showing up sweaty to work!), and I'm excited to start on June 1. More on that later. For now, I hopped on a bus up to Philly for my dear friends' wedding. I'll be here playing with Andi, Uti and Oni (3 yrs) and Kai (4 weeks) for the week, while also working on my paper. Then, I head to Nashville to see Jessica and celebrate Ariel and Sam's wedding.

It feels so good to be back on the east coast. My mind can stop constantly figuring out what time it is ET. My hair is back to true curly with the humidity. There are black people around, and Indians, and Asians, and even white peo who look different from each other. There are people down the street who I want to look in the eyes, talk to, and smile at. I don't feel stressed, even though there are school things to do still.

I will miss the ability to hop on my Italo, my bike, and go for a 60 mile ride. I'll miss meeting Katie on the Platte for a quick 2 hour ride. I'll miss the births of 3 of my friends' babies. I'll miss dry, sunny trail runs until 9 p.m. and bananagrams at St. Marks with Tony and Gracie. I will miss those things. But, I'm looking forward to rejuvenating myself -- will I get to a point where I am excited to be back in Denver, where I feel proud again to be a DU student? I'll just have to see where I will be in 3 months. For now, I am pretty happy to be somewhere new, to be myself, and to be far away from Denver.

It's official

I am halfway through my graduate degrees! It's 1:52 a.m. I just finished my last paper of this quarter. I'm home, safe and sound. Wish I could sleep late tomorrow, but I have class at 9 (a mere formality, no?).

I have now completed:
3/5 law semesters
2/3 masters quarters.

Woo! I'm doin' it. Making my way...

Me sleepy, time for bed.

Happy 2010!

Happy New Year!

Break has been wonderful! Spent some time on the Cape. I saw some high school friends, but mainly just spent time with the family. Had a few days back in Denver, then up to Montana for a skiing New Years with college friend and her family. Loved it! I feel so lucky to be where I am right now and to have such loving friends and family.

I am not a huge fan of new years resolutions because I like to work on things continuously or make the conscious effort at the time, whenever I figure out something new I want to work on. But, that said, a few things I want to work on this year are...

(1) give Denver another shot. I think I have fallen into a pessimistic view of it and I am changing that around to be more optimistic. I will explore new areas, talk to more people, and do the things I moved here to do. That is, I will try to live a more balanced life taking advantage of the things the Rockies have to offer.
(2) learn more about Judaism and do something (buy a challah bread, light the candles, cook a nice dinner, go to services) to celebrate Shabbat each week. I hope I can find a temple I feel comfortable attending and I want to be learning more about Judaism as a way of life.
(3) read more novels, even as little as 1 page a night before crashing. I love reading and devour books. It has been so hard when I get to bed late, exhausted and I have already spent all day reading and looking at the computer screen. But I miss falling in love with characters, having good stories spinning around my head and good writing.
(4) Volunteer! I get to attend legal nights again this semester. I work as a volunteer translator for lawyers who don't speak Spanish at a free legal clinic. I couldn't go last semester because I always had class. I'm also getting involved in this cool organization that teaches human rights to high school kids. There is going to be a Youth Conference for the kids in April and I'm helping to plan the curriculum and the event. I'm really, really looking forward to this!

Some photos to enjoy --

Me with DK at the lodge at Big Sky in Montana
The trips.
The bridge on Keveney Lane, just down the hill from my parents' house

Lindsey, Andy, Louis, me, Mom, Diana. Notice the immature bunny ears ruining a perfectly nice photo.
The cute grandparents!

me!

Trust in the Taper

Ah! This is the point where I start to freak out.

I know, know, this happens to others, but why is it that when you taper, everything seems to fall apart? For you non-freakish runners, tapering is the last phase of training before a race. The idea is that you cut back on running to let your body rest up and be its freshest for the race. While you decrease how much you run, you're supposed to keep up how hard you run. For a marathon, it's typical to have a 3 week taper. After your hardest week, you have 3 increasingly easier weeks leading to the race. This really plays with your psychological confidence. You feel slow and sluggish, like you're getting out of shape. You feel like you're just an eating machine, but without the exercise to burn it off. The last week, especially, you feel like, "Gosh, this whole week I haven't even run as much as I will have to run at one time."

More than that, I really think once you start cutting back on the intense training, your body says Oh, okay, I can finally let myself fall apart. Little aches come up: my knee gets a pop when getting out of the car. My hips start cracking when I step out of bed in the morning. My heel tightens up and a little plantar fasciitis sneaks in. A little sniffle and morning cough starts showing up. What!? I've trained hard for 4 months for a cold or an ache to make me have a bad race? Am I going to make it to race day? Will I make it through the race?

I just have to keep reminding myself that this is all normal. My body is let itself "let loose" and break down a little before pulling it together for a strong, healthy race day. I'm giving myself rest after all those runs: the hot summer runs on unshaded Highline canal. The crappy races at altitude, after which I decided it was finally time to do track workouts. Those painfully slow first track workouts on the dirt track at South High. Those runs on Monday night at 6 p.m. after my 12 hour school day, in the dark, by myself. That 12 miler during that 2 foot snow storm in October. The 18, 20, 22 milers alone, because my friends were already tapering for their marathon. Staying faithful to the "No Halloween candy" rule. So, here I am. Following my plan. Running less. Sleeping a ton (um, Hi, 9 1/2 hours a night!?). Eating more than I need. I have a new mantra for this phase of the training:

Trust in the taper.

Goodbye August

I can't believe tomorrow is September 1. Of 2009. I don't have much to say about it, except that I just can't believe how the months are slipping by. We're coming into my favorite season - fall! It's not quite the same here without foliage, cool and crisp fall days with strong breeze off the ocean, apple-picking and (soon after) apple cobbler-baking. I'm still excited, though. It's already chilly in the mornings and there's just something invigorating about fall. I love it.

Here are some things I'm working on these next few months:

- taking my daily vitamin
- sleeping more (and not feeling guilty about it)
- read a little of a novel before sleeping each night
- keep focus and efficiency in studying
- make it to trails or the mountains at least 1x every other week
- re-do my resume and begin the internship summer 2010 search.
- cook dinner and make my own coffee (I've been pretty good about this since July)

(fun list)
- pick a pumpkin and carve it
- roast the pumpkin seeds
- make soups and delicious bread to go with it
- go to the Alliance Francaise happy hour French wine and cheese nights
- go to Symphony (The Colorado Symphony Orchestra is starting up soon!)
- do art (find an art class?)
- go to Buddhist meetings (for clarity, simplicity, wisdom and self-awareness)
- drive my car less

See? Won't fall be fun? More to come ... Rabbit rabbit!