May flowers

Here I sit at a vegan-only cafe in Philly with the hippest of the hipsters and the punkiest of the punks. I have let the bloggie fall to the wayside with the understanding that I would be blogging daily again in the summer. I'm not done with my Quarter work (1 paper, 1 final left), but I've left Denver, not to return until mid-August. The past Quarter was especially hard - law school politics and slaps in the face, grad school politics and less-than-stellar professors, and my internship took a turn for the worst. I have been battling plantar fasciitis and heel spur, so running has been iffy, slow, and painful, if at all. I haven't been dating or meeting anyone. All meals have been pretty much alone and, well, all of Denver has been pretty lonely. All told, I'm pretty much ready for a break from Denver and school.

... Thus! I'm in D.C. for the summer doing an internship. My generous friend, Elizabeth, has kindly let me stay in her Dupont Circle one bedroom place for the summer. It's a beautiful apartment with a twelfth floor view of the city, matching red kitchenware and plenty of books on Latin America. The JCC is across the street and gives 35% off to students. Monty, a big black woman - perhaps not Jewish? - sits at the front desk and takes good care of me. Work is 1 mile away (hellooo showing up sweaty to work!), and I'm excited to start on June 1. More on that later. For now, I hopped on a bus up to Philly for my dear friends' wedding. I'll be here playing with Andi, Uti and Oni (3 yrs) and Kai (4 weeks) for the week, while also working on my paper. Then, I head to Nashville to see Jessica and celebrate Ariel and Sam's wedding.

It feels so good to be back on the east coast. My mind can stop constantly figuring out what time it is ET. My hair is back to true curly with the humidity. There are black people around, and Indians, and Asians, and even white peo who look different from each other. There are people down the street who I want to look in the eyes, talk to, and smile at. I don't feel stressed, even though there are school things to do still.

I will miss the ability to hop on my Italo, my bike, and go for a 60 mile ride. I'll miss meeting Katie on the Platte for a quick 2 hour ride. I'll miss the births of 3 of my friends' babies. I'll miss dry, sunny trail runs until 9 p.m. and bananagrams at St. Marks with Tony and Gracie. I will miss those things. But, I'm looking forward to rejuvenating myself -- will I get to a point where I am excited to be back in Denver, where I feel proud again to be a DU student? I'll just have to see where I will be in 3 months. For now, I am pretty happy to be somewhere new, to be myself, and to be far away from Denver.

No soy yo

Thus far exams have been (characteristically) beyond miserable. Just, wow. The general feeling I have these days is the exact reason why people decide NOT to go to law school. Anxiety. Dread. Stress. Pressure. I want to go to sleep to avoid it all, but I can't fall asleep when I finally let myself crawl into bed. My mind is racing. I have nightmares where I take exams and re-live my misery. I want to sleep late, but morning is my precious time to be alert and focused.

It doesn't help that the past few days have been full of snow and highs of about 10 degrees. Supposedly, we're getting 8 more inches tonight and lows of -4. That's crazy. That's 2 pairs of pants, 3 shirts and 2 jackets cold.

Nothing about school makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing by being here. Denver doesn't feel right. Hard to exercise outside (First snow was the first week of October. And, as you know, I hate the treadmill). Hard to meet people. Hard to use public transit/bike/walk. Hard to find diversity. Hard to meet friends who don't have husband-boyfriend-fiance obligations.

Hard to see myself here beyond the next year and a half.

Hard to see myself here for the next year and a half.

Hard to see myself.

No soy yo.

Update

One test down. Doesn't feel good, but I have to move on to the next. There's nothing I can do about it now, anyway.

Walked home after. It's 14.8 degrees outside and slight flurries. I actually was warm because I walked fast and wore this:

tights
alpaca socks
jeans
tee shirt
sweater
fleece coat
fat puff coat (down)
waterproof tall boots
gloves
hat

I listened to my favorite radio show, The World, which is on at 4 p.m. ET, 2 p.m. MT (so I never get to listen to it normally). And, it only takes 10 minutes more to walk from school (55 min total) than it does to take the bus from school (45 min total).

On to the next final...

Freaking out

Ah! Finals start tomorrow and then it's a sprint to the finish. The more I study, the worse I feel! I just realize more and more how much I don't know. :/

Not to mention: today was 23 degrees midday, it snow last night. Tonight is a low of 1 degree. Tomorrow is a high of 16, plus snow during the day. I swear, the weather always tries to sabotage my exams. It just adds a layer of stress and wasted time (bus to school because roads too icy/snowy) when I need it least.

I hate the pressure, anxiety, high-stakes, unknown abyss that is law school finals.


Freaking. Out.