one step forward, one back

I was feeling better about things after I volunteered at two events this week. One event was the show-off days for my grad school. I was asked to volunteer as the J.D./M.A. representative to answer any questions for accepted students. I considered it an honor and was more than happy to help. It's weird how my feelings toward the two graduate schools can be so disparate. Anyway, the new acceptees were amazing people: interesting, smart, nice, well-spoken, and well-traveled. It really lifted my spirits to talk to all these new people. I picked up some of their excitement about this school and the privilege of learning here. I also must admit it was a bit of a confidence boost to share all my experiences here in Denver. It was like a little review and reminder that I have worked hard, done some interesting things, and really gotten a lot out of my M.A. program. Also, um, it was nice to actually know the answers to the questions I was being asked. I almost felt like a competent expert in something again because, as my brother said, grad (law) school is very disempowering.

The second volunteer event was that I was a judge for a high school international development problem-solving competition. Much like Oddessy of the Mind, Future Problem Solvers or Gateway, these kids were given a problem related to the Millenium Development Goals and had to solve it. I judged three rounds. I must say, my teams weren't fabulous, but there were some stars who were very sharp and creative. It really made me proud of the kids and happy that 'international development' is permeating the secondary, public education system. These kids will be my peers one day! It also felt nice to give back and be connected with my community even if only for a few days. I miss that - donating my time and working in and with my multi-generational and -cultural community.

Otherwise, the weekend was mainly studying and job stuff, with some chores like laundry, cleaning, and grocery shopping. After a short afternoon trail run, I was feeling not too bad and starting to think I could handle this unknown/transition thing. Then, I cooked a really nice dinner, set the table for three and did some work until my guest showed up. Then I did more work. Still no guests. More work. No guests. Finally, over an hour later, I figured my guests weren't coming and put things away, just eating some of the salad by myself. I guess they forgot. I feel bummed about it. I feel like 'why bother.' Why bother with people, with Denver, with trying to stay engaged until I leave. I mean, I don't even think I ever even was able to engage in Denver. People here don't make it easy. I'm trying to shake it off and stay focused on exams and jobs. I just wish I hadn't spent all the money on food I now probably wont be able to eat fast enough before it either goes bad or I am sick of it.

Shaking it off.

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